Mishaps and mayhem across the States

Entry Four: Sunday 12th August

Mishaps and mayhem across the States

I’m currently sat writing this from my hotel room in Richfield, Utah, having left Grand Junction, Colorado, this morning. Lucky for us the Olympic closing ceremony is playing on NBC and Jessie J is serenading (murdering) us with Brian May while they duet to We Will Rock You. I have to admit though, it has been an amazing ceremony- I think in terms of visuals, the opening ceremony topped it, but in terms of music it’s been unbeatable. The Spice Girls and Taoi Cruz probably could have stayed home but hey.

Anyway, this morning got off to quite an awful start on my account. Yesterday we arrived in Grand Junction, Colorado, having enjoyed the cable cars up a mountain in Aspen the day before. We enjoyed just having a day shopping and taking a dip in the pool. The reason for the mishap this morning, however, was the journeys in between. Inevitably we’ve made our way through our fair share of snacks between stops across the States, and an ever growing pit of rubbish had been growing around my feet. Trying to keep our rental car moderately clean, yesterday upon arrival in Grand Junction I gathered up all the mess and put it in one of the plastic bags currently residing beside my feet. It was only this morning when Craig asked me, ‘have you seen my Ray Bans? I put them in the food bag.’

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge. The very same bag I recall absent-mindedly dropping into a bin outside a cinema at the mall yesterday.

Panicking, this morning we drove to the cinema with me fully prepared to root through the bins, only to find a clean bin bag and to later be informed that all rubbish goes into a trash compactor.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge. So that was a very expensive mistake on my part, and certainly amused the ladies on the sunglass stall at the mall. Sadly they didn’t have the same model, but I will endeavour to find him the exact pair and purchase them while grovelling to him. Of course, by this point, we’d also realised we’d left our travel mascot, Travel Bear, in the hotel room in our Ray Bans-induced haste. Luckily however the maid had recovered him, so this morning wasn’t a complete disaster.

So having left Grand Junction and deciding that fate really doesn’t want us to have sunglasses (Craig stepped on mine by accident when we were camping in Colorado Springs- perhaps we both need to learn not to leave things lying about!) we were on our way to Utah today. The state line wasn’t as climactic as I had hoped, for some reason I was expecting some sort of border akin to the Mexico-US border. Nope. Just a sign. The scenery changed almost instantly however; rather than seeing green mountains all around us, suddenly everything had changed to rock, which became steadily more and more orange the further into Utah we drove.

About half past five mountain time we arrived at our hotel to be greeted by a very cheerful, if not doped up on some sort of hallucinogen, receptionist. Neither of my debit cards worked so I’m informed she’ll charge me tomorrow- I might just slip out the back door! Craig informs me we are now in the ‘Mormon Corridor’ of America, as apparently this area is particularly popular with that faith. I’ve nothing against religion, but I feel I should add, this morning while we were tucking in to our sinful breakfast of pancakes, we overheard a couple ordering bread and water because ‘their religion dictates that they should eat as Jesus would have done.’ Whatever floats your boat!

 Anyway, talking of being sinful, having not exercised in what feels like weeks we decided to use the hotel’s gym facilities this evening.

If you can call it a gym.

The ‘gym’ at this hotel is a cupboard with a cross trainer in it that’s older than me, an exercise bike and a lateral pulldown machine. I mustn’t grumble though. For the first time in ages I can feel my muscles again and I’m confident I won’t be splitting holes in any more jeans like I did in Aspen. That was embarrassing. Plus we got to watch the ceremony while we worked out so I can’t complain.

So, after a few days on the road, highlights included Craig crapping himself on the ski lift, eating lobster for the first time at Red Lobster in Grand Junction (not as good as crab, I’ve decided) and hopefully, taking a 10pm dip in our Utah hotel’s pool, which I’ll do as soon as I post this.

Tomorrow we’ll be on our way to St George, Utah, where I’m reliably informed the gym facilities will be slightly better! Watch this space, I’ll come back looking like an Olympian…

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